I honestly have a problem. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me like for some reason i get excited & happy but then i end up in one of those depressed not wanting to talk to anyone leave me the fuck alone type of attitude. I try to tell myself that today is gonna be a good day & that i have to be happy but it never ends that way. I am possibly thinking its a bi-polar thing but its also a depression type thing. I dont want to say anything to my parents or anyone in my family because they probably wont take me seriously or will think im insane and need to be brought back to a behavior health center again. But i hate these fucking depressed bitchy moods i really want to be a happier person but i don't know what to do. Im really starting to give up on myself & its not for any selfish reason either. I just don't know what to do anymore i mean maybe once i move out things may get better or maybe they wont either way i would like to be happy now i mean this is my effing senior year and i want to make the best of it and not lose any friends because of this. in a way im thinking my friends are getting sick of me & im really not trying to act this way...i can't help it. No matter how hard i try to be happy it just never works out. idk its hard to explain and im sure most people wouldnt understand. Goddamn this almost sounds like one of those emo "i wanna kill myself" type of journals even though mine isn't half as good for the fact that i was never good at writing. well im not emo as a matter of fact not even close because i think stereotypes are stupid but anyways my point isn't to make people feel they need to write something or try to make me feel better because it probably wont. Like i said its hard to explain & i wish i could get help...